008- Judges

I've realized a lot of humans are a lot of talk and not nearly enough walk. From the start, we're always told to treat people nicely, or to try to see things from their perspective. I've found it hard to see things from another's perspective, and I'm certain I'm not the only one. There are things engraved into our minds that never can leave, never can be understood, never can be worked around. Today, there was a dawning at approximately 4:30 p.m. today, and, for me, the world was shaded a thousand more colors than it had been. Everything was glass. Just for that split second.

My fear of spiders is irrational, and I know it is. Perhaps that's the first step of getting over that fear, but, to me, it didn't really matter if it was rational or not. I've always tried to justify why I fear them, but there's nothing. They look funny? No. I'm sure if I was scared of any other thing, I'd say that it looked funny, too. They can bite you? I live with five dogs. They could easily bite me, too. They're nasty! Yes, well, so are a lot of things in life. An hour into being locked out of my house, March 18th, 2011, I sat on Eric's couch, and the main topic of debate was the remote control spider he had- a very realistic looking one, mind you. He told me that it didn't matter because it wasn't real, yet the thing terrified the snot out of me when I saw it from a distance. I guess it makes sense that it isn't harmful- it's plastic. Colby once told me that it was cute- I didn't understand that remotely. It seems so silly to be scared of a spider, much less a fake one. Maybe it's what it symbolizes that frightens me? I digress... The conversation led to the point where I realized that the concept of not fearing a spider was just foreign to me. I didn't understand how he could look at it and not feel like running. I didn't understand how he could stand to pick it up, hold it, touch it, much less try to show it to someone else. It didn't click, couldn't click.

Today, I looked through my old music. When I was in middle school, I'd been big on getting soundtracks from movies. Not going to lie, I loved Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron. I thought it was an excellent movie, and, well, anything with Matt Damon is worth watching, even if it is just his voice. I've had the soundtrack for some time now. I hadn't listened to it in years, though, and I just started to listen to the many songs- both instrumentals and songs featuring Bryan Adams. It felt like a breath of fresh air from the songs you hear on the radio nowadays- the ones about sex, drugs, hitting your girlfriend, and killing people. And there's just something about listening to a song after time has passed and your life has moved on when you realize what the song really is about. I've done this so many times. Over and over again. But something about this one hit me harder than the others did.

You Can't Take Me. I don't know why it stood out, but I've always loved this song. The imagery of fighting is definitely prominent in most of my favorite song selections- "This is War" by 30 Seconds to Mars, "Monster" by Skillet, "Unbreakable" by Fireflight, etc. "You Can't Take Me" definitely doesn't carry the blaring gore and death of modern day "fighting" songs, and perhaps that is what makes it more profound than the ones blasting on 102.7.

"Gotta fight another fight
Gotta run another night
Get it out
Check it out
I'm on my way and I don't feel right
I got to get me back
I can't be beat and that's a fact
It's okay, I'll find a way,
You ain't gonna take me down, no way."

I guess it sounds dumb, comparing myself to a song about a mustang. But there was a click, then. A dawn. An understanding, and a thought.

"Don't judge a thing until you know what's inside it,
Don't push me, I'll fight it
Never gonna give in,
Never gonna give it up, no
If you can't catch a wave,
Then you're never gonna ride it
You can't come uninvited,
Never gonna give in,
Never gonna give it up, no.
You can't take me, I'm free."

I was caught on the first line. I was so caught on the first line that the rest of the song was a blur. Don't judge a thing until you know what's inside it... And, now, sitting here with the aroma of Sex on the Beach drifting in my room, at past midnight in the wee hours of Saturday, in a cushioned chair, I have stitched the concepts together.

There's phrases we say nowadays. "Don't judge"- that's the main one I want to discuss. I find it amusing that people say not to judge them, probably more so because that invites for others to judge and that, odds are, the person who said it is very judgmental (why else would they be worried about being judged?). But, maybe there's an inkling of truth in their words, maybe society shouldn't judge. I could go on a rant about how sometimes judging is good, but, for this note's sake, we'll say that we shouldn't judge the actions of some people.

Face it, there's that one thing in life that you have done that you're worried about people knowing, people judging. And, perhaps, their judgment terrifies you and that's why you keep your secrets. I'm not one to judge- I have secrets, too, we all have secrets. But here's the idea- how could other people judge you? They don't live your life. They don't see the things you see, they haven't experienced what you have experienced. Their judgment is very askew, in other words, because they may or may not understand the situation. And perhaps, it's impossible for people to understand, fully, what others think and how others perceive things, because there's still that chance that they believe something you cannot believe, cannot even bring yourself to believe- just as how I could not believe that spiders were not scary, and were, in fact, cute.

I hate it when people ask me why I did something. "Why did you say that?" or "Why did you do that, Emily?" And then, I try to explain, and it's like the words are hitting a stone wall. And, it's funny when they get mad. Funny when they get upset. Funny when it just doesn't click. Because I tried to explain. And they can never wrap their minds around it, just as I can't wrap my mind around not wanting to scream and run at the sight of a spider. Maybe it's because mankind is too hard-headed to accept some alternative viewpoints on life (isn't that why we have so many wars?), or maybe it's that we cannot physically, mentally, or emotionally think in a way different from how God created us.

I'd suggest a fix, but I cannot see one other than trying to understand, just as we've all been trying to understand. I guess it doesn't solve much- not world peace or certainly not my phobia. The world would do well to remind itself that the experiences of individuals affect the way they perceive things. The world would do well to not judge a thing until they know what's inside it- as impossible as it is, as improbable as it ever will be that the world would ever heed the advice from an 18-year-old Texan, maybe someone would benefit from it. Maybe there would be less drama in the world. Less conflict. Less hatred. The least we can do is try to understand. Try to see things from another person's eyes.